| do you have those moments in life when you feel as if you have already been there. the emotions are so strong. almost requiring you to move out of them, away from them back to the space you are in. the conversations are familiar, like those songs that get stuck in your head, that you can't help but sing out loud. people respond in the same way - eyes light up, questions are asked, process happens. i feel as if i am watching part of my life through the joy of two other people close to me right now. i feel as if, aside from all the emotion that this brings up, i'm being given a gift. an opportunity to remember, and to consider life as it happened. i didn't ask for this and even so, here it is. eight years ago. 2920 days ago. i went around campus telling some of those close to me about the fact that i was going to get married. that i was going to commit my life to loving someone else. today two people who are on staff where i work share this same beautiful news. and all at once it brought me back to this place, to this person, to this idea of life. so much is similar. we were in university finishing up our last year. we were both in leadership positions on campus. we both just loved the idea of that other person. and since that time much has changed. yet, much stays the same. the core things that i still want to share with someone. those things - traits, perspectives that i don't hold onto a tightly. the joy of relationship and my hope to always celebrate and enjoy those experiencing it. i don't know if i will ever get married again. i don't spend bunches of time trying to figure it out. i would love to love someone again in that way, however for right now i'm given the gift of remembering about the depth of love and being able to cheer on the one person to whom you say "i'll always have your back"...... and now i'm getting back to that space where you feel you can take on the world because you have that one person saying to you "i'll always have your back" ...and this doesn't mean they will always say you are right, that they will always give you want you want. in fact, with me, they can't. but it will mean that when i look like crap they will love me anyway, and that when i'm being pissy and stubborn they will tell me so and love me anyway, and that when i just need them to tell me it will be okay, the will tell me and love me through it. that's what i miss. that is what i get to celebrate again, with these two people. |
